From the Book - Regular Print - First edition.
With Apologies to Mary Poppins 17 --
Married-Ex Milestone 20 --
Brusha Brusha Brusha 24 --
Mother Mary and The Fighting Scottolines 27 --
Mother Mary Misbehaves 31 --
Third Month's the Charm 34 --
With Apologies to L'Oreal 41 --
In Which I Officially Hit the Wall! 48 --
William Wordsworth Needs a New Password 51 --
Love and Marriage, Then Divorce 54 --
To Catch a Predator 64 --
Be Careful What You Wish List 87 --
I Know It When I See It 91 --
True Meaning of Words 102 --
Rolling Without Homies 106 --
Happy Thanksgiving 109 --
Mother Mary and the 600 Thread Count 125 --
Happy New Year Dotcom 131 --
Being Good in the New Year 134 --
They Call Alabama the Crimson Tide 138 --
I Want a Name When I Lose 144 --
A Dog's Pursuit of the Far-Fetched 151 --
Recipe for Disaster 158 --
Number One Can Be Hazardous to Your Health 161 --
Airport Insecurity 170 --
Relationship Spoiler Alert 176 --
Engagement Ring-A-Ding Ding 179 --
Extremely Speedy Delivery 182 --
Old MacDonald Takes Manhattan 191 --
Mother Mary Talks to God and Luis 198 --
With Our Powers Combined 202 --
God, Man, and Prada 205 --
Politics and Farm-Fresh Eggs 214 --
Mother Nature Is a Bad Mom 223 --
Reply Hazy, Try Again 233 --
Suing Stevie Wonder 246 --
Mother Mary Twerks It Out 266 --
My Grandmother Is Not the Same 270.